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Intermittent Sobriety
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A concrete, easy to follow, nothing to worry about plan to drink less
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Intermittent Sobriety
A flexible, systematic approach to drinking less, that has worked for one person for over four years.
Schedule
Dry January (yes it’s tough)
February 1: +5 drink nights
March 1: 1: +5 drink nights
April 1: +5 drink nights
May 1: +5 drink nights
June 1: +5 drink nights
July 1: +5 drink nights
August 1: +5 drink nights
September 1: +5 drink nights
October 1: +5 drink nights
November 1: +5 drink nights
December 1: +5 drink nights
This equals 55 total drink nights
Drink Night: single night of drinking. 4:00pm until sleep. No explicit limit on number. Always good to keep it under control but that’s more of life guidance not a rule of intermittent sobriety.
*Other nights: 1-2 beers OK every week. BUT cracking open that 3rd beer = a drink night.
I recently eliminated this as well as I was trying to
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My brother died recently after many years of alcohol abuse, this followed my cousin dying of the same cause within just a few months. I realized it was time to share my personal system for drinking less, as people typically say with this sort of thing “If I help one person it will have been worth it” Well in this case I really feel that.
Overweight, and drinking too much too often, my wife and I were trying to have a 2nd child and realized I needed to make changes if I wanted to be there for my wife and for my children’s lives. Years previously I had success with Intermittent Fasting: the diet plan that regulates the time frame one can eat during strictly but relaxes regarding food choices. For me, this was the only diet plan that did not consume my brain gradually as I got further and further into it. Past 7:00pm before 12:00pm? Can’t eat it. In between? Go for it. If I really want a cheese burger and it’s during my eating window. Go for it. If it’s not, just have to wait until next time.
I had an actionable plan for the weight problem so I went that direction first. I used intermittent fasting to lose ~12 lbs over the next year. Not a huge loss but I had started going the right direction instead of continuing the wrong direction. I learned from my business life that incremental improvement is a great goal. Not everything needs to be revolutions and earth shattering changes.
I was still drinking too much and I was fearful of committing to a full abstinence program. But the “just drink less” plan wasn’t accomplishing anything.
I spent some time thinking about what WAS working for me with the Intermittent Fasting
Rules, but rules I could follow.
I wouldn’t be able to indefinitely stick to a diet where I could NEVER have a cheeseburger or pizza. But having those whenever I fancied for sure lead to over eating.
No mental block or gradual brain consumption
Knowing I could eat what I really desired if I really wanted to (following the rules) gave me an easy way to not worry about the diet or my deprivation. Because I wasn’t deprived
Treats were better
Each time I was able to get a cheeseburger or pizza it was extra delicious because the basic reality was that getting some of those treats to fit the schedule wasn’t always easy (part of why it works)
Easy to mark each day as a success. Even on days where I had a terrible diet, I didn’t feel bad or have to worry about it. One more day of following the plan as far as I was concerned.
I read a powerful post on Reddit where a person posted a log of their drinking throughout the year marking the number of drinks as well as incidents of getting black out drunk. The calendar was littered with blackouts and they often kind of clustered. I assumed, perhaps projecting a little bit, looking at this chart that the poster would wake up after each one of these blackouts and say “never again” but then of course keep going. The attempt at abstinence can actually be a driving factor to drinking. Saying no no no and realizing just having a drink will take the pressure off (and bring on the shame, but we’re used to that)
That’s when I tried to take the above ideas into an actionable plan for drinking less.
There had to be rules I could follow,
Obviously the same schedule approach wouldn’t work. I ought not be slamming down as many drinks as I can fit into a … say 45 minute window each day. The schedule had to allow time to drink, enjoy the drink, and crucially not put an official upper limit on the number of drinks. Drinking only 3 drinks ever for the rest of my life gives me almost exactly the same level of fear and mental lockup as complete abstinence. This led me to think about the blackout dates from the Reddit post. What is an incremental improvement to that, and to my own? How about WAY fewer of those AND eliminating the other drinking?
OK, I could have an allotment of “drink nights” where I could drink to my heart's content BUT that number should be as low as possible while not inducing brain block OR being too tough to follow and breaking the rules.
365 days a year
100? -> drinking ~27% of days or ~every 3 and a half days or so. TOO MUCH
25? -> drink ~7% of days or every 11ish days. NOT ENOUGH
50 -> drink ~14% of days or every 7.3 days. CLOSE BUT NOT QUITE RIGHT
After a bit of finagling and thought I wound up with:
55 total for the year, These accrue monthly and and CAN be carried over to the next month.
Dry January,
Feb 1: +5 drink nights
March 1: +5 drink nights
March 1: +5 drink nights
Etc
This is drinking ~15% of days or every 6.6 days.
Anytime where I have more than 2 drinks will count as a drink night unless something outside my control interrupts my plans. For example, my wife was out of town with the kids and some friends were getting together that night at a bar, great time to use a drink night. ALSO a great to get some construction work done in the basement. I gave myself a big headache through improper ventilation, and ear protection. I went to the bar, had a drink hoping the change of scenery, calming down and enjoying a beer would make the headache disappear (i don’t get a lot of headaches, what do I know?) had another, and just cracked open a 3rd when the headache was throbbing and I had no choice to go home, get some rest. Just cracking open that 3rd might have TECHNICALLY qualified as more than 2 drinks but that was not the kind of night im worried about repeating over and over. So I gave myself an exception on that one.
The goal here isn’t to have two heavy drinks regularly and lean on high alcohol % and bigger cans to sidestep the restriction and get a little drunk. If that started happening I would figure out a number to ration those out too.
I keep track of this on a spreadsheet on google docs so I can modify or check on my phone.
Get my template here: Drink Nights Available
How has this plan worked?
Downsides? I have no major next step, incremental improvement is all that I can think of. Have I permanently settled on a level of drinking that would almost certainly be considered unhealthy just because it’s a little better than I was managing before? At least before I felt guilty and maybe that would eventually make me stop? I have lowered my monthly drink nights to 3 now and that has been going well but I don’t think I could have started there. Is this just the brain of an addict making a ridiculous bargain to avoid responsibility?
My wife once asked me if it just felt like an artificial constraint or just a rule I made up and therefore less "real" or "important" and I said no, virtually everything we do in life is artificial constraints, and this one is an important one for me to be a good member of society. I've made this arrangement with myself knowing that falling out of line means I have to go to complete abstinence so this is my last best final offer to myself to have a life with balance and options.
Email me @ m@intermittentsobriety.com